Amazing Cycle – The Stims

I know I’m a little behind with all the deets – I have a lot to catch up on. Let’s just say that the past two weeks (or so) have been incredible! I am still in my tww, but right now I couldn’t be happier.

My protocol (I think) is the antagonist am/pm (high dose) protocol. I started off my IVF stim cycle taking 150 of Menopur in the mornings, an 225 IU of Bravelle in the evening. After a few days of this, Orgalutran was introduced as well. I had monitoring appointments in Kelowna on the 24th, 26th, 27th and 28th of March. My monitoring sessions were going great… I had a few lovely follies growing – and in fact, at one point the  nurse and doc told me that they never seen so many follicles at a consistent size (majority 14mm). My body was responding wonderfully to the meds…

Which by the way were a total breeze for me!

I was expecting a horrible time – mixing and being a chemist freaked me out, the thought of three injections a day was not that appetizing, and finally, I really thought that I would turn into a fat, bloated, hormonally raging douche by the end of the stimming period. Truth – I had NO symptoms. I didn’t gain any weight, I didn’t bloat, I didn’t go psycho in the least… it was a breeze. I didn’t mind the injections – in a weird way, it gave me a sense of control, and pleasure keeping track of the injections completed. The only thing I had a bit of trouble with is stressing when I would lose a drop of liquid in preparing the syringe trying to get the air bubble out.

On the 28th of March we were given the green light to head to Vancouver the following day. I didn’t have to take my Menopur or Bravelle this day, but I did get to take my trigger shot… at the lovely hour of 1:30am! Blugh! But everything had to be timed perfectly for the egg retrieval. My estrogen was pretty dang high (over 10,000) so I had a special trigger of Buserelin.

March 29th was our travel day to Vancouver – and day off from meds (a welcomed break). Gav had to work that day so we didn’t end up leaving till late afternoon. We stopped for dinner and arrived at our hotel around 9ish. Our hotel was perfect – HIE which is a great hotel (clean, great staff, good prices, and free breaky) in a room with a kitchen suite. Gav and I spent a few hours on the previous weekend preparing a billion casseroles to freeze and bring with us – I knew I wouldn’t be up to restaurants/eating out the whole time, and meals out for over a week can get expensive!

We unpacked actually putting all our clothes away – why not, we’re gonna be there awhile – got ready, and chilled before heading off to bed.

The next day was our big day – Egg retrieval scheduled for 10am.

I’ll end it there for now and continue with the rest of my good news after. For now, Gav is spoiling me with a gel mani. I really wanted a pedi, but I researched pedis after IVF, and I read some concerns regarding the massage, and all the acu-points on the foot. Rather than worry myself silly, I’ll happily get a mani. Gav also spoiled me with flowers the day before. What a sweetheart 🙂

Tomorrow’s Appointment is going to be Great!

It’s been a busy couple of weeks!

So, as mentioned, I started my birth control pill on February 25th. The BCP was weird – I felt like I was a teen again, setting an alarm to make sure I remembered to take my pill each day at the same time. My body didn’t love the pill – I spotted randomly, especially after BD which is weird. I guess I expected that, but I did not expect the freakin infection that I would get because my body is hormonally confused. I’m fighting that bugger off as quickly as humanly possible. I called the nurses over the weekend and they said that taking that one day pill won’t hurt anything at this point, and won’t slow us down in our schedule. Done – pill, now work your magic!

So, 16 days later, and more waiting. My last dose was on the 12th, and I just got AF yesterday. Things are on target.

My  appointment at the fertility clinic is tomorrow. It will start off with an ultrasound to see what is happening with that ugly left-side cyst. Gosh, I am so hoping that its gone. Please be gone! I don’t think I can handle another set back. But truth be told, I’m actually feeling positive. I *feel* like we will be going ahead, and I *feel* like this appointment will be a  happy one. After the ultrasound we will be meeting with the doctor again to discuss the news or no-news, and then with the nurse to review meds.

If it’s a go-ahead, stims start on Wednesday, and I will leave tomorrow with my first batch of meds.

I’m feeling good.

The weird thing – it seems like all the roadblocks and forced breaks have been for the best – totally confirming that everything happens for a reason. Within the past two months Gav and I got really really sick (healthy now thank goodness!), got on a plan with the acupuncturist, and did our taxes (getting some money back which will definitely help!). The driving conditions on the Coquihalla are much better now, and when we are in Vancouver, we can anticipate warmer temperatures. I’ve also been able to figure out a plan for work, and and and! This is around the time of Easter which means that I have to take two less days off work.

Everything happens for a reason, and I’m feeling good.

🙂

It’s Starting…

I called the nurse a couple days ago with my CD1 – and the wind got knocked out of me.

Not only did I start my BCP on CD1 which makes me feel like I am actually on my way, moving forward and officially on the IVF journey, but I found out that IVF could potentially happen a lot sooner than I had anticipated!

My instructions are to start my pill (February 25th) – my final dose of birth control will be March 12th – my ultrasound, meeting with the doc, and review of orientation will be on March 17th – and, if the nasty cyst looks good (please please please!) then start injections on the 18th!

In my head, it felt like injections were not happening anytime soon. I hate to admit it, but this month I let everything go. I was not healthy, I didn’t exercise, and I was a sick lump for weeks – now all of the sudden I feel like I have so much work ahead of me!

I feel excited and nervous, and happy to be on the road to our best possible chance of creating a miracle 🙂

Mourning my 3 Year TTC Anniversary

Feb/March 2015 marks our three year TTC anniversary. Even typing this is like a punch to the gut. And ovaries. And uterus. Just a big, fat, sucker-punch to my whole bubble.

This cycle was not what I was expecting it to be.

I have a sorta-loosey-goosey three month plan:  month 1 is out TTC break, month 2 is our BCP month, and month 3 is *HOPEFULLY* IVF stimming. I went into this month expecting not to hope. I knew that since I have been unable to achieve even a split-second of pregnancy in the past three years, I wouldn’t be able to do it now. Au Naturale is a lost cause, and I know I don’t think from now on I will be able to conceive naturally. I wanted to go out with a bang though, knowing that I tried everything that I could possibly try, with every last ounce of effort I could give. DH an I BD’ed our hearts out, and followed the SMEP perfectly (and then some). My chart looked beautiful.

Except for that dreaded illness we both had. I’m still sick, and we’re past the two week mark! I went to the doc and they said this post-viral cough will linger for up to two months. Remind me next time that I am not virus immune! Anyways, thanks to this illness literally ON the day of my positive OPK, fertilityfriend was unable to pick up my exact ovulation date. I’ve even heard that fever and sickness can prevent you from ovulating.

Well, my temps are all post-O typical – and, today is CD13. Up to yesterday, I hadn’t had a drop of spotting. Typically I spot anywhere from 9 days to AF to 5 days to AF (on a good month), averaging about a week of spotting every month. This month, nada, ZILCH!

Which led me to hope. I didn’t feel any different – but how perfect would it be to get pregs the month before we start our IVF protocol and our last possible chance before dropping tens of thousands of dollars.

I started spotting today. AF should be here any day now.

I’m mourning today. Mourning our three year anniversary, and mourning that my body can’t do the very thing that it was designed to do.

Tomorrow will be a better day where I plan on looking forward and actually STARTING this journey – starting the birth control, starting the injections, starting to eat healthier, starting to ease of the wine and coffee – and giving our family the best possible chance of growing.

Not just a sniffle…

I really don’t get sick – and I haven’t been sick in years. I don’t get the sniffles, I don’t get colds, I don’t get the flu. I have one of the healthiest immune systems ever.

This time though, I need someone to come over and sing me soft kitty.

Gav has been sick for a couple weeks. I was over confident in my virus-fighting army the other day and shared a beer and gave him a kiss. Next morning – BAMO – Gav shared his cold with me. Sharing is caring, right? Wrong!

This ‘cold’ is making me miserable. My voice sounds like I should be announcing wrestling matches, I’m coughing up a lung, I have a throbbing headache, low-grade fever that increases during the day, bodyaches, fatigue, chills, and now ear ache – my first ever ear infection? Gah,

This lovely gift has arrived together with my ovulation. My chart, my very last natural chart, looks pretty ugly thanks to this monster. You would think by looking at this chart that i ovulated on CD14 – heck no, this was the day of the blinding negative OPK. I’m still getting in as much – exercise *wink wink* – as I can, but I’m worried that nothing can be sustained in my body while I’m this sick. I’m also worried that I’ll have to go to the doc (tomorrow maybe) for this dang ear thing and get prescription meds. That’s what you have to do for an ear infection, right? Anyways, I’m worried that medication could affect my little eggies/TTC chances. Finally, I’m worried because this nasty monster is forcing me to miss a whole bunch of work, and really all I want to do, and have been doing for the past year, is save up all my sick time for our IVF treatments. Now I feel like I’m flushing it down the toilet.

What a miserable post. Fingers crossed I just need one more day –  one more day to blog, pinterest, watch Grey’s, and play Zelda. And, on a more positive note, at least this is happening now, and not right when we are in the middle of IVF – timing may just be perfect!

Suprise Ovulation

SURPRISE!

Apparently I’m… Ovulating? Where did that come from?

These two OPK’s are taken 24 hours apart… one day, and look at the difference! Blinding negative to strong line. Usually I get a few days leading up to a positive, but not this time. BAM! HELLO!

Actually, these results always make me second guess myself. Would you consider this a positive? I mean the test line is pretty comparable to the control.

I’m actually sick – me, the girl who never gets sick and specifically asked the fertility specialist if maybe my super hero immunity could be an issue (maybe my immune system is attacking everything too well – including spermmies and eggies…?) Yesterday I woke up with a fever that steadily increased during the day. Today I’m feeling much better and my fever is nearly gone. The dark OPK is from my fever day and the light one is the day before. Hubby thinks my body is playing tricks on me… Certainly a fever can affect a BBT chart, but not my LH surge, right?

This is our last month giving au naturale a shot – next month is the dreaded birth control pill, followed by IVF. We are just about to celebrate mourn our three year TTC anniversary. I really want to end off giving it my all.

Moxa – legit, or eye-roll?

Yesterday I had a super quick appointment with my Acupuncturist – I do not respond well to herbs at all, and I’m one of the very few who completely dislike acupunture. I do respond well to Moxa though – in that I get really red and hot easily, and love the feeling of being warm (since I get that feeling so rarely). Anyways, rather than come in for sessions, she wants to teach me how to do it at home with Gav – it will save me money, and I can have more ‘treatments’ throughout the week. I thought it was a great idea. She taught me how, where and how often Gav should do it.

I went home and warned taught Gav – we just watched a show in bed so I could veg and relax and he wouldn’t get too bored. I got nice and red again – bring on the warm uterus!

I’m curious about this treatment – I hope it works. I’m sick of not responding typically to things and being really “interesting” medically. I want to believe in this, but there’s still something holding me back. It could be just the idea of a giant cigar-like stick supposedly healing my cold uterus from the outside-in. It’s amazing what TTC will do to you. I never thought I would be trying and believing in these types of treatments. But I guess when you think you’ve tried everything, there’s always one more thing to try.

So, is moxa ligit or an eye-roll treatment?

Hello Menstruation!

Well, my period came four days early this month – four days! This puts me at a cycle length of only 26 days (not a biggie) but leaving me with a LP of 9 days (umm, biggie!). I suppose there is a chance that I actually ovulated earlier and had a lingering positive OPk – well, that’s what I’m hoping. I don’t have a consistent cycle (anywhere from 27… 26 now I guess to 33 days) but my LP is consistently 12-13 days.

Don’t you just LOVE when your body throws you a curve ball?

You know what though?

(A) AF arriving earlier just means that my schedule gets bumped up a few days – We will get to start our IVF journey four days sooner

(B) If there is anytime for my body to throw me a curve ball, I’m glad it’s now BEFORE we start with IVF. Right now I’m allowed to have a WTF whatever mentailty, but if this were happening during our ‘game time’ I would be stressing and cursing like a raging cab driver.

So, here I be at day 3. Period made her arrival known with cramps cramps cramps. It was bad. I am a heavy sleeper and it was enough to wake  me up in the middle of the night for two hours. I even contemplated taking my magic pill and passing right out. Anyways, I got through it!

So, here’s one experience I wanted to share,

I always seem to fantasize about a psychic coming up to  me out of the blue and telling me, congratulations or words to that effect. I would respond with, ‘I’m sorry, what’s that?” but of course, I would know exactly what she is talking about.

This has never happened before.

On the weekend though, Gav and I got our bloodtests for IVF – four vials for me, three for Gav. The nurse congratulated me (I think my req said prenatal on it). I explained that I wasn’t pregnant yet – and she said, oh, you will be. You will be pregnant soon.

Happy dance. She doesn’t know it, but she made my day!

Just what I needed

This is the text I got from Gav this afternoon. He does my research for me on issues that really worry me so that I don’t get carried away.
Talk about a perfect message from a perfect husband.

It’s all about balance

My first blog post – how exciting! I imagine my ramblings will be in no specific order, following no specific timeline. If you happen to come across this, maybe reading the ‘about’ section will provide a wee bit of history.

The IVF orientation/ultrasound did not go as planned. First off there was that whole stress road-block about the Hysteroscopy that was originally scheduled for this visit as well, and then cancelled last minute due to communication issues. Fine, whatever, figured things out with the nurse and was ready to move on. Hysteroscopy would be postponed for another few weeks.

So the appointment started with an ultrasound. My anterior follicle count was lower than I was expecting – right ovary showed 8 follicles. I was hoping for ten, but I think eight is a doable number. Then they get to the left ovary and… silence. The doc, nurse and medical student all stared and this black ball on the screen and jumped into medical mumbo-jumbo. Well, turns out I have a 4cm by 3cm … thing… in my ovary. The doctor doesn’t know what it is for sure (that makes me feel good *sarcasm*) but thinks it is either a hemmoragic cyst or endometrioma. But seriously, doesn’t that seem huge to you? I imagine a golf ball of floating crap inside my ovary, and it worries me!

I also have a recent history with gynocological cancer – so, of course, alarm bells are ringing for me. Apparently the mass is like a ‘honeycomb’ which makes my doc side on the hemmoragic cyst side. I also had a scan done a few months ago and it wasn’t there, so this big ugly ball of crap is relatively new.

Anyways – plan… is to wait. Wait to see if it shrinks/disappears on it’s own, and put IVF on hold. Obviously if they are stimming my ovaries to produce as many eggs as possible, with a golf ball size growth already in there, there’s not a lot of room for much more. I have to go back on March 17th to see how it looks and hopefully proceed then.

F***. Talk about a piss-off though. We were finally ready to take this step. Finally ready to jump into the IVF world. Finally ready to rock my body so hard, pump me full of fertility drugs, and turn these ovaries on to the max. Nope, we can’t proceed. We have to take next month off everything. Hopefully by the following cycle (end of February) we can start the BCP for a month and HOPEFULLY move to stimming/IVF after that.

Of course I’m disappointed. I don’t actually know if anyone understands how truly disappointed I am. I cried and cried after this appointment. The topic of this post though – my very first post – is about balance. I need to try TRY to have balance. This road/journey/adventure has been a tough one. I think it’s too easy to get stuck in the blue negativity. Even to the point where between tears, I asked Gav, why do these things always seem to happen to me. I had a pity party, and I’ve never done that before – even with my diagnosis of cancer.

I need to be balanced. I need to be okay with being sad and disappointed (how can you not feel this way when you’re on the infertility train?) but I need to try to find some positivity to balance.

That appointment was two days ago. I still feel like crap, so I’m going to try to balance that crap feeling with some positivity. Postponing means that Gav and I have a bit more time to save our pennies to afford IVF. Of course here in Canada there is no insurance or funding that will cover our treatments or medications, so we’re looking at approximately 15,000 with each attempt *cringe*. This also means that when we have to travel to Vancouver for our egg retrieval and transfer, the roads will be that much safer and clear, and it will be warmer, nicer temperatures for us to enjoy our mini-holiday. If *please god please!* it works, my parents will be back from Florida to experience the beginning of my pregnancy with us. Finally, and the best news, the nurses/docs said that scan showed beautifully lush lining! Natural lush lining!

I may have an ugly golf-ball sized sac of blood in my ovary, but at least I have lush lining.

Balance.