It’s Starting…

I called the nurse a couple days ago with my CD1 – and the wind got knocked out of me.

Not only did I start my BCP on CD1 which makes me feel like I am actually on my way, moving forward and officially on the IVF journey, but I found out that IVF could potentially happen a lot sooner than I had anticipated!

My instructions are to start my pill (February 25th) – my final dose of birth control will be March 12th – my ultrasound, meeting with the doc, and review of orientation will be on March 17th – and, if the nasty cyst looks good (please please please!) then start injections on the 18th!

In my head, it felt like injections were not happening anytime soon. I hate to admit it, but this month I let everything go. I was not healthy, I didn’t exercise, and I was a sick lump for weeks – now all of the sudden I feel like I have so much work ahead of me!

I feel excited and nervous, and happy to be on the road to our best possible chance of creating a miracle 🙂

Mourning my 3 Year TTC Anniversary

Feb/March 2015 marks our three year TTC anniversary. Even typing this is like a punch to the gut. And ovaries. And uterus. Just a big, fat, sucker-punch to my whole bubble.

This cycle was not what I was expecting it to be.

I have a sorta-loosey-goosey three month plan:  month 1 is out TTC break, month 2 is our BCP month, and month 3 is *HOPEFULLY* IVF stimming. I went into this month expecting not to hope. I knew that since I have been unable to achieve even a split-second of pregnancy in the past three years, I wouldn’t be able to do it now. Au Naturale is a lost cause, and I know I don’t think from now on I will be able to conceive naturally. I wanted to go out with a bang though, knowing that I tried everything that I could possibly try, with every last ounce of effort I could give. DH an I BD’ed our hearts out, and followed the SMEP perfectly (and then some). My chart looked beautiful.

Except for that dreaded illness we both had. I’m still sick, and we’re past the two week mark! I went to the doc and they said this post-viral cough will linger for up to two months. Remind me next time that I am not virus immune! Anyways, thanks to this illness literally ON the day of my positive OPK, fertilityfriend was unable to pick up my exact ovulation date. I’ve even heard that fever and sickness can prevent you from ovulating.

Well, my temps are all post-O typical – and, today is CD13. Up to yesterday, I hadn’t had a drop of spotting. Typically I spot anywhere from 9 days to AF to 5 days to AF (on a good month), averaging about a week of spotting every month. This month, nada, ZILCH!

Which led me to hope. I didn’t feel any different – but how perfect would it be to get pregs the month before we start our IVF protocol and our last possible chance before dropping tens of thousands of dollars.

I started spotting today. AF should be here any day now.

I’m mourning today. Mourning our three year anniversary, and mourning that my body can’t do the very thing that it was designed to do.

Tomorrow will be a better day where I plan on looking forward and actually STARTING this journey – starting the birth control, starting the injections, starting to eat healthier, starting to ease of the wine and coffee – and giving our family the best possible chance of growing.

Not just a sniffle…

I really don’t get sick – and I haven’t been sick in years. I don’t get the sniffles, I don’t get colds, I don’t get the flu. I have one of the healthiest immune systems ever.

This time though, I need someone to come over and sing me soft kitty.

Gav has been sick for a couple weeks. I was over confident in my virus-fighting army the other day and shared a beer and gave him a kiss. Next morning – BAMO – Gav shared his cold with me. Sharing is caring, right? Wrong!

This ‘cold’ is making me miserable. My voice sounds like I should be announcing wrestling matches, I’m coughing up a lung, I have a throbbing headache, low-grade fever that increases during the day, bodyaches, fatigue, chills, and now ear ache – my first ever ear infection? Gah,

This lovely gift has arrived together with my ovulation. My chart, my very last natural chart, looks pretty ugly thanks to this monster. You would think by looking at this chart that i ovulated on CD14 – heck no, this was the day of the blinding negative OPK. I’m still getting in as much – exercise *wink wink* – as I can, but I’m worried that nothing can be sustained in my body while I’m this sick. I’m also worried that I’ll have to go to the doc (tomorrow maybe) for this dang ear thing and get prescription meds. That’s what you have to do for an ear infection, right? Anyways, I’m worried that medication could affect my little eggies/TTC chances. Finally, I’m worried because this nasty monster is forcing me to miss a whole bunch of work, and really all I want to do, and have been doing for the past year, is save up all my sick time for our IVF treatments. Now I feel like I’m flushing it down the toilet.

What a miserable post. Fingers crossed I just need one more day –  one more day to blog, pinterest, watch Grey’s, and play Zelda. And, on a more positive note, at least this is happening now, and not right when we are in the middle of IVF – timing may just be perfect!

Suprise Ovulation

SURPRISE!

Apparently I’m… Ovulating? Where did that come from?

These two OPK’s are taken 24 hours apart… one day, and look at the difference! Blinding negative to strong line. Usually I get a few days leading up to a positive, but not this time. BAM! HELLO!

Actually, these results always make me second guess myself. Would you consider this a positive? I mean the test line is pretty comparable to the control.

I’m actually sick – me, the girl who never gets sick and specifically asked the fertility specialist if maybe my super hero immunity could be an issue (maybe my immune system is attacking everything too well – including spermmies and eggies…?) Yesterday I woke up with a fever that steadily increased during the day. Today I’m feeling much better and my fever is nearly gone. The dark OPK is from my fever day and the light one is the day before. Hubby thinks my body is playing tricks on me… Certainly a fever can affect a BBT chart, but not my LH surge, right?

This is our last month giving au naturale a shot – next month is the dreaded birth control pill, followed by IVF. We are just about to celebrate mourn our three year TTC anniversary. I really want to end off giving it my all.