Moxa – legit, or eye-roll?

Yesterday I had a super quick appointment with my Acupuncturist – I do not respond well to herbs at all, and I’m one of the very few who completely dislike acupunture. I do respond well to Moxa though – in that I get really red and hot easily, and love the feeling of being warm (since I get that feeling so rarely). Anyways, rather than come in for sessions, she wants to teach me how to do it at home with Gav – it will save me money, and I can have more ‘treatments’ throughout the week. I thought it was a great idea. She taught me how, where and how often Gav should do it.

I went home and warned taught Gav – we just watched a show in bed so I could veg and relax and he wouldn’t get too bored. I got nice and red again – bring on the warm uterus!

I’m curious about this treatment – I hope it works. I’m sick of not responding typically to things and being really “interesting” medically. I want to believe in this, but there’s still something holding me back. It could be just the idea of a giant cigar-like stick supposedly healing my cold uterus from the outside-in. It’s amazing what TTC will do to you. I never thought I would be trying and believing in these types of treatments. But I guess when you think you’ve tried everything, there’s always one more thing to try.

So, is moxa ligit or an eye-roll treatment?

Hello Menstruation!

Well, my period came four days early this month – four days! This puts me at a cycle length of only 26 days (not a biggie) but leaving me with a LP of 9 days (umm, biggie!). I suppose there is a chance that I actually ovulated earlier and had a lingering positive OPk – well, that’s what I’m hoping. I don’t have a consistent cycle (anywhere from 27… 26 now I guess to 33 days) but my LP is consistently 12-13 days.

Don’t you just LOVE when your body throws you a curve ball?

You know what though?

(A) AF arriving earlier just means that my schedule gets bumped up a few days – We will get to start our IVF journey four days sooner

(B) If there is anytime for my body to throw me a curve ball, I’m glad it’s now BEFORE we start with IVF. Right now I’m allowed to have a WTF whatever mentailty, but if this were happening during our ‘game time’ I would be stressing and cursing like a raging cab driver.

So, here I be at day 3. Period made her arrival known with cramps cramps cramps. It was bad. I am a heavy sleeper and it was enough to wake  me up in the middle of the night for two hours. I even contemplated taking my magic pill and passing right out. Anyways, I got through it!

So, here’s one experience I wanted to share,

I always seem to fantasize about a psychic coming up to  me out of the blue and telling me, congratulations or words to that effect. I would respond with, ‘I’m sorry, what’s that?” but of course, I would know exactly what she is talking about.

This has never happened before.

On the weekend though, Gav and I got our bloodtests for IVF – four vials for me, three for Gav. The nurse congratulated me (I think my req said prenatal on it). I explained that I wasn’t pregnant yet – and she said, oh, you will be. You will be pregnant soon.

Happy dance. She doesn’t know it, but she made my day!

Just what I needed

This is the text I got from Gav this afternoon. He does my research for me on issues that really worry me so that I don’t get carried away.
Talk about a perfect message from a perfect husband.

It’s all about balance

My first blog post – how exciting! I imagine my ramblings will be in no specific order, following no specific timeline. If you happen to come across this, maybe reading the ‘about’ section will provide a wee bit of history.

The IVF orientation/ultrasound did not go as planned. First off there was that whole stress road-block about the Hysteroscopy that was originally scheduled for this visit as well, and then cancelled last minute due to communication issues. Fine, whatever, figured things out with the nurse and was ready to move on. Hysteroscopy would be postponed for another few weeks.

So the appointment started with an ultrasound. My anterior follicle count was lower than I was expecting – right ovary showed 8 follicles. I was hoping for ten, but I think eight is a doable number. Then they get to the left ovary and… silence. The doc, nurse and medical student all stared and this black ball on the screen and jumped into medical mumbo-jumbo. Well, turns out I have a 4cm by 3cm … thing… in my ovary. The doctor doesn’t know what it is for sure (that makes me feel good *sarcasm*) but thinks it is either a hemmoragic cyst or endometrioma. But seriously, doesn’t that seem huge to you? I imagine a golf ball of floating crap inside my ovary, and it worries me!

I also have a recent history with gynocological cancer – so, of course, alarm bells are ringing for me. Apparently the mass is like a ‘honeycomb’ which makes my doc side on the hemmoragic cyst side. I also had a scan done a few months ago and it wasn’t there, so this big ugly ball of crap is relatively new.

Anyways – plan… is to wait. Wait to see if it shrinks/disappears on it’s own, and put IVF on hold. Obviously if they are stimming my ovaries to produce as many eggs as possible, with a golf ball size growth already in there, there’s not a lot of room for much more. I have to go back on March 17th to see how it looks and hopefully proceed then.

F***. Talk about a piss-off though. We were finally ready to take this step. Finally ready to jump into the IVF world. Finally ready to rock my body so hard, pump me full of fertility drugs, and turn these ovaries on to the max. Nope, we can’t proceed. We have to take next month off everything. Hopefully by the following cycle (end of February) we can start the BCP for a month and HOPEFULLY move to stimming/IVF after that.

Of course I’m disappointed. I don’t actually know if anyone understands how truly disappointed I am. I cried and cried after this appointment. The topic of this post though – my very first post – is about balance. I need to try TRY to have balance. This road/journey/adventure has been a tough one. I think it’s too easy to get stuck in the blue negativity. Even to the point where between tears, I asked Gav, why do these things always seem to happen to me. I had a pity party, and I’ve never done that before – even with my diagnosis of cancer.

I need to be balanced. I need to be okay with being sad and disappointed (how can you not feel this way when you’re on the infertility train?) but I need to try to find some positivity to balance.

That appointment was two days ago. I still feel like crap, so I’m going to try to balance that crap feeling with some positivity. Postponing means that Gav and I have a bit more time to save our pennies to afford IVF. Of course here in Canada there is no insurance or funding that will cover our treatments or medications, so we’re looking at approximately 15,000 with each attempt *cringe*. This also means that when we have to travel to Vancouver for our egg retrieval and transfer, the roads will be that much safer and clear, and it will be warmer, nicer temperatures for us to enjoy our mini-holiday. If *please god please!* it works, my parents will be back from Florida to experience the beginning of my pregnancy with us. Finally, and the best news, the nurses/docs said that scan showed beautifully lush lining! Natural lush lining!

I may have an ugly golf-ball sized sac of blood in my ovary, but at least I have lush lining.

Balance.